In my previous life as a professional volunteer, I sat on a committee in Parkway School District, the Government Relations committee.   Parents and concerned citizens from the district met every other month or so to hear about upcoming legislation that would affect schools.   One of the facilitators for the district introduced himself as a Parkway Parent whose children had achieved the “Three E’s”  –  they were educated, employed and elsewhere!   It got big laughs and I have often used this phrase when talking about my own children.   Well, now in about two weeks, both of my kids will have achieved the THREE E’s!   It’s a milestone that is hard to believe really.

When did those little boys grow up?   They seem so dependent for so long….they need help with every aspect of their lives from dressing, to toileting, to eating,  to schoolwork.   We have to teach them not to kill themselves or others.     Then one day you wake up and realize they don’t need you for all of that anymore.   It’s bittersweet….but it means you’ve done your job.   My younger son John told me once “No offense mom, but I’d like to think if anything happened to you, I would be okay.”   LOL!  I certainly hope so.   I think we were discussing life in general and behavior of kids….he didn’t say it to be rude or angry…he was just making an observation.   It’s a bit of a rude awakening to think that your main job in life – as a parent- was becoming obsolete.   And I think for mom’s it’s more of an adjustment.  We invest SO much in bringing children into the world and then raising them.

On the other hand…at my age,  it’s a relief.   I have a new appreciation for those parents who deal with special needs kids who might not ever be completely independent.   Because I’m exhausted from worrying, prodding, coaxing and cheer leading my kids.   I know they will always need my counsel and love but it’s a relief for them to pay their own way and take care of themselves.   It’s also given me a chance to start a new career in Real Estate ( 6+ years now!) and concentrate on myself a bit.   That and help pay off all those college loans!

Another wise person once said, as your children enter into young adult hood, you become less of a manager in their lives and more of a consultant.   This is also true.   They are going to do what they want.  They may entertain an opinion – solicited or otherwise, but it’s up to them.   Now, I find out about things that happened or that they did that if I had known at the time I would have had a heart attack.   It’s funny in retrospect – especially when thankfully, nothing bad happened in any of these less than wise situations.   But it drives the point home that it’s to a great degree out of our hands as parents.    If we did our job right things should be okay.   This is what I keep telling myself!

The best thing about your kids getting older is to watch them rely on each other.   Our oldest son, Tom has become the defacto first responder when his younger brother and my niece (my sister’s child)  have issues.   He gets the distress calls and then advises them how to proceed.    He shields us ( the clueless parents) from “Minor in Possession” (of alcohol) at college issues…he’s even paid a bill or two for his brother I think.  Often he laughs and tells them to call us.   But he has saved his brother and cousin from parental lecturing and threats on many occasion.   Even though it’s done to avoid us, I am happy to see them turn to each other in times of need.

One day, I pray their kids will do the same.